Hello dolls!
Well it's been quite some time eh? Well that's what this post is all about, where I've been and when I'm coming back to the land of bloggers!
Firstly, thank you to all the lovelies who noticed I wasn't posting and checked up on me through twitter!
It has been a hard few months and writing had to take a back seat. The root of this comes down to a topic that is very current in blogging and online lives... Anxiety. Yep, nothing new.
Well it kind of is for me. I'll try to explain as best as I can, but it may get a little chattery so bear with me ok?
Just over two months ago I was officially diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder and I am undergoing treatment in the form of medication and CBT.
I have always been something of an internal worrier. Very much not giving a crap on the outside but inside, I found it difficult to forget about things. And my anxiety times this by 100.
So if I say anything awkward, I regret it and play it back for hours. If something major is coming up like a deadline, I'll stress and stress until my brain can't handle it anymore and will shut down. They are just some of my bigger triggers.. I also have a problem with answering my phone, overcompensating just in case I've messed up, sleep problems... The list could go on.
It's possible I've suffered with this for over a year without realising!
A small amount of worry and stress is normal in life, but mine had taken over.
Asking for help was the hardest part, I had no idea anything was wrong with me. My brain just thought I wasn't good enough and I was failing.
That was never true. My amazing Dr explained it as my anxiety being like a car alarm. The alarm should only go off when there is a break in. But when it is broken it keeps on going off until the battery dies. So my alarm/anxiety kept going off for no reason until it couldn't anymore and stopped working altogether, meaning I just couldn't deal with any stressful situation.
Like I mentioned, I am in treatment for this and it really is working. I can handle my work again, I'm more social. But it really is a long road. Slowly, I have to retrain my brain to handle all of the factors in my life.
Anyway this isn't a 'boohoo woe is me' post! Its a positive post for me because I finally feel able to share it with you all and I'm so pleased that my inspiration is slowly coming back and I feel like writing again!
Thank you all for reading and being so patient!
Much love,
Gabriella
x
